I am lost within and lost without

This identity of mine

That I seek beyond me

And seek foolishly

Years of learning to love

Books and films and music

And language with no borders

Only to realise my heart is some hoarder’s

Who hoards all she loves

Into a mind of a girl

Detached by fate from her brown skin

No – it’s not some deep sin

But a reality

For the girl who doesn’t know

What to call “mine”

When her country and skin couldn’t define

Where she belonged

And as to redefine herself was easier

She gave in

And lost the chance to reach within

And now I look back

Deep pity on the girl

That couldn’t hold her head with pride

And had no soul in which she could confide

The battle she fought

And now she’s a part of me

Who rages inside

And pleads at the iron gates of my snide

For I know too well that:

There was a girl once

Who ran out of time

Now she’s lost within and lost without

Her identity of doubt

-Gouri Prasad


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